马男波杰克第五季

So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No. “Are you having an awesome day?” Which is pretty… shitty, because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one.

Usually when people ask how I’m doing, the real answer is I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have to be like, “I don’t know, all of it?” So instead, when people ask how I’m doing, I usually say, “I am doing so great.”

But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have a good reason, so I said to her, “Well, my mom died,” and she immediately burst into tears. So now I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she’s bawling, and she’s saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “It’s fine. It’s fine.” I mean, it’s not fine but, you know, it’s… fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh? [inhales] And the girl apologizes again and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I’m leaving, I think, “I just got a free churro because my mom died.” No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro.

[people murmuring]

[clears throat]

Anyway, I’m sorry, that’s not part of the… [clears throat] All right. Okay, here we go. Let’s do this. Here I am, BoJack Horseman, doing a eulogy, let’s go. Hey, piano man, can I get a, like an organ flourish? [organ plays] Nicely done. You know, I was a little worried I wouldn’t have the right accompaniment today. I guess it’s a good thing my mom was an organ donor! [rimshot plays] What happened to the organ? [horn ‘oogahs’] Okay, why just leave the comedy to the professionals? Okay? This is a funeral, sir, for my mother. Can you show a little respect? [trumpet whines] I’ll take it.

Beatrice Horseman, who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was a horse. Uh, she was born in 1938. She died in 2018. One time, she went to a parade, and one time, she smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman.

[rustling]

Lived a full life, that lady. Just, all the way to the end, which is, uh, now I guess. Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die. Okay, well that’s my time, you’ve been great! Tip your waitress! No, I’m just kidding around, there’s no waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have to say about my mother. No point beating a dead horse, right? So…

[inhales] Now what? I don’t know. Mom, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud of me.

Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my mother, and I can just talk and talk without her telling me to shut up and make her a drink? Hey, Mom, knock once if you think I should shut up. No? You sure? I mean, I don’t want to embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy, so, seriously, if you wanted me to sit down and let someone else talk, just knock. I will not be offended. No? Your funeral.

Sorry about the closed casket, by the way. She wanted an open casket, but uh, you know, she’s dead now, so who cares what she wanted? No, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. I-I think that if she could’ve seen what she looked like dead, she’d agree it’s better this way. She looked like this.

[groaning]

[mourners gasping]

Kinda like a pissed-off toy dinosaur. The coroner couldn’t get her eyes closed, so now her face is forever frozen in a mask of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mom called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom called it Tuesday.

[woman coughs]

Hey, Mom, what did you think of that joke? You like that? You never did care for my comedy.

[clears throat]

Here’s a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh, cool jacket that I wanted to wear because I thought it would make me look like Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up for this jacket. But when I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home and I told my mother, and she said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good that comes from wanting things.” She was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault.

But then, on the day of the talent show, my mother had a surprise for me. She had bought me the jacket. Even though she didn’t know how to say it, I know this meant that she loved me.

Now that’s a good story about my mother. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid, where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my parents when they die.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so… hard.

When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting.

Hey, Mom, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter.

[owl chirping]

My mother did not go gentle into that good night. She went clawing and fighting and thrashing, hence the face.

[groaning]

[mourners gasping]

If you’d seen her, I swear to God the only thing you’d be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression.

[woman clears her throat]

[chairs squeak]

I was in the hospital with her those last moments, and they were truly horrifying, full of nonsencial screams and cries, but there was this moment, this one instant of strange calm, where she looked in my direction and said, “I see you.” That’s the last thing she said to me. “I see you.” Not a statement of judgment or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. “Hello there. You are a person. And I see you.”

Let me tell you, it’s a weird thing to feel at 54 years old, that for the first time in your life your mother sees you. It’s an odd realization that that’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing you wanted all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like a relief, to finally be seen. It feels mean, like, “Oh, it turns out that you knew what I wanted, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that she would get in one final zinger about how I let her down, and about how I was fat and stupid and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment—all that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see you.” Only my mother would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on her way out. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection. Maybe it was a… maybe it was an “I see you,” like, uh, “I see you.” Like, “You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.” That’s more my mom’s speed.

Or maybe she just literally meant “I see you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out of it at the end, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything.

[woman sighs]

Back in the 90s, I was in a very famous TV show called Horsin’ Around.

[man coughs]

Please hold your applause. And I remember one time, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know that episode where the horse has to give Ethan a pep talk after Ethan finds out his crush only asked him to the dance because her friends were having a dorkiest date contest? In all the shots of the horse, you can see a paper coffee cup on the kitchen counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee cup’s missing. Was that because the show was making a statement about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how even two people can experience the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have the heart to be, like, “No, man, some crew guy just left their coffee cup in the shot.” So instead, I was, like… “Yeah.”

And maybe this is like that coffee cup. Maybe we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe when someone says, “I see you,” it just means, “I see you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even talking to me because, if I’m being honest, she wasn’t really looking at me. She was looking just past me. There was nobody else in the room, so I want to think she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point, who knows what she was seeing? Who were you talking to, Mom? [sighs] Not saying, huh? Staying mum? No rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much.

Maybe she saw my dad. My dad died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like, “Wait, did you say he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So my father, ever the proud Mary, decided he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn’t like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana, who was as batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he’d actually read the book and what he thought, but, not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock.

[murmur]

I wish I’d known to go to Jack in the Box then. Maybe I could have gotten a free churro. It would’ve been nice to have something to show for being the son of Butterscotch Horseman. My darling mother gave the eulogy. My entire life I never heard her say a kind word to or about my father, but at his funeral she said, “My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.”

“My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.” I don’t know why she said that. Maybe she felt like that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe she hoped one day someone would say that about her. “My mother is dead, and everything is worse now.” Or maybe she knew that he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your widow with. “Bad news, you lost a husband, but don’t worry, you also lost the house!” Maybe Mom knew she’d have to sell all her fancy jewelry and move into a home. Maybe that’s what she meant by “everything is worse now.” Is that what you meant, Mom?

I gotta say, I’m really carrying this double act. At least with Penn and Teller, the quiet one does card tricks. Hey, piano man, when I say something funny to my mom, how about you give me one of those rimshots?

[rimshot plays]

Yeah, but not now. When I say something funny. Like, okay. What’s the difference between my mother and a disruptive expulsion of germs? One’s a coughin’ fit and the other fits a coffin! That’s an example of a funny thing.

[rimshot plays]

Thank you. Let’s try again. Hey, Mom. What’s the difference between my mother and a bunch of Easter eggs? One gets carried in a basket, the other gets buried in a casket!

[rimshot plays]

Ready for one more? Last one. What’s the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? One is decently read, and the other’s a huge bitch!

[woman gasps]

[murmurs]

Yeah, might have gone a little too far with that one. That one might’ve been a little too “my mom’s a huge bitch” for the room. I’m sorry, Mother. You’re not a huge bitch. You were a huge bitch… and now you’re dead.

[woman sighs]

You know, the first time I ever performed in front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my mom. She used to put on these shows with her supper club in the living room and she used to make… [inhales] She used to make me sing “The Lollipop Song.”

[organ playing tune]

Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always a dance my mother did. She had this beautiful dress that she only brought out for these parties, and she did this incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad. Dad hated the parties. He’d lock himself in the study, and bang on the walls for us to keep it down, but he always came out to see Mom dance. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch in hand, and watch in awe, as this cynical, despicable woman he married… took flight. And as a child who was completely terrified of both my parents, I was always aware that this moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other in a way. Me and my mom and my dad, as screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it’s like to feel your entire life like you’re drowning, with the exception of these moments, these very rare, brief instances, in which you suddenly remember… you can swim.

[flashback]

[partygoers laughing]

[classical music playing]

But then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that, too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad. All three of us were drowning, and we didn’t know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. And I would like to think that that’s what she meant when we were in the hospital and she said, “I see you.”

You know, the weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you’re next. I mean, you know, obviously it’s not like there’s a waitlist for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty.

I actually had a near-death experience recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I’m an actor, I do my own stunts. I’m on this new show Philbert. I’m Philbert. Star of the show. It hasn’t come out yet, but it’s already getting Emmy buzz. Oh, speaking of buzz… [inhales] I’m supposed to take two of these every morning, but my days are so screwed up ‘cause of the shooting schedule, I don’t even know what morning means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure that one out for yourselves. [gulps]

Anyway, you know what I thought, when I was falling off the building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry.” Cool thought, brain.

[rimshot plays]

No, that wasn’t… would you just… dial it back, all right?

I don’t even know what “they” I wanted to be sorry. My mom, even before she died, could barely remember who I was. And of course, my dad’s dead. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain this book was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life. Maybe it did, I don’t know. I never read it, because why would I give him that?

I used to be on this TV show called Horsin’ Around. Seriously, though, hold your applause.

[man coughs]

Well held. It was written by my friend Herb Kazzaz, who’s also dead now, and it starred this little girl named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early on, the network had a note, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find orphans sad and not relatable.” But I never thought that the orphans were sad. I-I always thought they were lucky, because they could imagine their parents to be anything they wanted. They had something to long for.

Anyway, we did this one season finale, where Olivia’s birth mother comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up, and she wants to be in Olivia’s life again. And of course, she’s like a perfect grown-up version of Olivia, and they go to the mall together and get her ears pierced like she’s always wanted and—sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working your way through it. Anyway, the horse tries to warn her, “Be careful, moms have a way of letting you down.” But Olivia just thinks the horse is jealous, and when the mom says she’s moving to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good?” But of course, because it’s a TV show, she was not gone for good. Of course, because it’s a TV show, Olivia’s mother had a relapse and had to go back to rehab, so Olivia had to hitchhike all the way home, getting rides from Mr. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course, that’s what happened. Because, what are you gonna do, just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else, the show… has to keep going. There’s always more show. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there is nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, ‘cause there’s always more show.

I guess until there isn’t.

[chuckles]

My mom would hate it if she knew that I spent so much time at her funeral talking about my old TV show. Or maybe she’d think it was funny that her idiot son couldn’t even do this right. Who knows? She left no instructions for what she wanted me to say. All I know is she wanted an open casket, and her idiot son couldn’t even do that right. I’m not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever understood how to please that woman, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out. But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me, and… “I-C-U.”

“I… see… you.” Jesus Christ, we were in the intensive care unit. She was just reading a sign. My mom died and all I got was this free churro.

You know the shittiest thing about all of this? Is when that stranger behind the counter gave me that free churro, that small act of kindness showed more compassion than my mother gave me her entire goddamn life. Like, how hard is it to do something nice for a person? This woman at the Jack in the Box didn’t even know me. I’m your son! All I had was you! [inhales]

I have this friend. And right around when I first met her, her dad died, and I actually went with her to the funeral. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why she was still upset, because she never even liked her father. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when my dad died. And I’m going through the same thing now. You know what it’s like? It’s like that show Becker, you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just—it couldn’t put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that’s what losing a parent is like. It’s like Becker.

Suddenly, you realize you’ll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you’d never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn’t even realize it until that chance went away.

My mother is dead, and everything is worse now, because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across a room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see you.” But I guess it’s good to know. It’s good to know that there is nobody looking out for me, that there never was, and there never will be. No, it’s good to know that I am the only one that I can depend on. And I know that now and it’s good. It’s good that I know that. So… it’s good my mother is dead.

[gulps, sighs]

Well. No point beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have no idea… what she wanted. Unless she just wanted what we all want… to be seen.

Is this Funeral Parlor B?

—— from Reddit

可我就爱吃臭豆腐。

某姜每天的日常是这样：

写不出稿，啃会儿指甲吧。

写不出稿，看会儿资料吧。

写不出稿，这资料一点用都没有。

写不出稿，吐槽一下主编吧。

写不出稿，看看别人家公号都干了啥。

然后发现别人家公众号发了这样一篇文章：

这标题句式，吓得我绝经。

别说三十岁了，简直职业更年期。别说职业瓶颈了，简直职业宫颈癌。

这种时刻，向左看看，没有主编，向右看看，没有领导。

还是看一集《马男波杰克》自我疗愈吧。

这剧中的每个人，都写不出稿活得不好。

看到他们也过得不好，我就安心了。

理直气壮原谅自己写不出稿。

没想到，戴安一句话劈头盖脸：

我最后的退路也被堵死了。

《马男波杰克》诠释了那一句“生命就是时时刻刻不知如何是好”。

这分钟觉得自己烂得像坨飞散的翔，下一刻又觉得世界就是个巨型厕所，自己也不是最臭不可闻那一坨，刚准备原谅自己，又发现自己罪无可赦。

新一季依然如此。

每个人的生活依然一团糟，拿借口原谅自己的不完美，拿伪装掩饰自己的混乱无助。

这样一个故事，可不能让《环球时报》总编辑胡锡进看到了，不然又成了“臭豆腐”。

“臭豆腐”前因了解一下

《马男》还偏偏是“好莱坞”的臭豆腐

①

新一季，不丧了，也更丧了

胡总编辑百思不得其解的是，负能量怎么会有人爱看？堵得慌。

可负能量是《马男波杰克》的卤水。不用卤水点，不成臭豆腐。

而臭豆腐的卤水里，有冬笋、香菇、曲酒、豆豉……

都是好东西，只是泡的年月长了，就臭了。

像人，经历的事儿多了，就丧了。

随便品品爆表的负能量：

第一季“没用的老马”

第二季“人间不值得”

第三季“我有病你有药”

第四季“满脸写着高兴”

总是为人生找到借口，亲手打碎它，又拼好。

借口终于能暂时遮掩人生，但始终有道丑陋的疤。

这一季里，依然如此。

戴安去越南散心，像文艺女青年一样列出去越南的十个理由。

都爱说“说走就走的旅行”、“诗与远方”，其实大多数人是“不想工作”“我失恋了”。

其实不过“我离开你，就是旅行的意义”

文青般的十个理由全是借口，真相是你孤独了

波杰克被母亲虐了一辈子。

童年阴影

他曾经说，我俩之中死一个就好了。

这一季，母亲真的死了。他却发现，伤害没有随着生命而终止，反而变成了一个死结，永远无法达成和解。

第六集，他在葬礼上脱口秀了一整集，试图弄清母亲临终“我看见你了(I see you)”的含义，希望真的被母亲“看见”、重视。

却原来只是ICU(重症监护室)

凯洛琳公主，想起来洛杉矶之前的岁月。

本来应该是奉子成婚，嫁入好人家，考个公务员，在小城市里操心房价尿布奶粉。

命运却让她流产，注定她要来大都市。

但这么多年了，却回到了想要孩子的原点。

原来只是换了身衣服原地打转，还是在机场

时间把杀马特变成了啤酒肚，好像人只会衰退

很多人说这一季没那么丧了。

他们开始改变，开始成长。

我却觉得成长最丧。

小时候你觉得是因为你太小，所以无法解决家庭、学习工作、婚姻爱情等种种难题。

原来越长大越是死局。

成长是终于妥协，终于告别。

②

那些人，长大了，也变小了

为什么要看丧剧，看负能量呢？

连马男自己都吐槽：

看些无脑爽剧多好啊

我也只想看看人们谈谈恋爱

再看看人们谈谈恋爱

以及看看人们谈谈恋爱啊？？？

可是为什么还是要看《马男波杰克》，要看[江湖儿女]呢？

因为反而很多美满的故事，才是鸦片啊。

傻白甜的故事，吸完白光闪过，然后是一片空虚的贤者时间。

我和这些幸福的人儿，一定没生活在同一个宇宙。

不然为什么只有我活得这么难？

恰恰是《马男波杰克》这样的丧剧，挥舞着大棒，把我打晕，又用水把我浇醒。

让我突然醒悟：原来大家一样惨啊。

你加班，别人就不加班吗？

你写不出稿，别人就写得出稿吗？

我敢说，在社交网络上搞个“写手米兔运动”，一定应者众：

“我因写稿而头秃。”“我也是。”

在《马男波杰克》这一季季终，波杰克要戴安再写书，写他有多混蛋，以“认罪”，让自己的痛苦获得解脱。

戴安却说：

我们只是普通人，不是罪人

丧到头了，就会发现，人都一样，不分国界，不分种族，都不好不坏，一肚子苦水。

这样的负能量看多了，不是令人焦躁，反而学会慈悲。

把自己放低一点，缩小一点，不再把自己的痛苦看成天大的痛苦，而是全人类相似痛苦的其中一个碎片。

先知道“人生为何如此的艰难”，“有些事”才“不拆穿”。

谅解了别人，也才能宽恕自己。

波杰克问：

万一我清醒了还是混蛋怎么办？

傻瓜，当然还是混蛋。

成长是终于不再要答案了，终于接受人生无解。

即使改变了，成长了，痛感也不会减少半分，你只是学会了忍受。

心还是躁动不安，屁股还是如坐针毡，人也还是难以自处。

你只是学会了利用这种痛感，去成长，去和别人、和自己和平共处。

③

臭豆腐，更臭了，也不臭了

没捏着鼻子吃过臭豆腐的人，不足以谈人生。

小时候我是最讨厌臭豆腐的。

放学路上小巷口，油锅滋啦直响，就像帮臭豆腐的气味分子放炮仗助威，挑衅鼻孔。

这个时候，会有个扎双麻花的小妹妹捏着鼻子，跑远远再回头，冲着臭豆腐唱起来：

“臭豆腐臭，臭豆腐臭，臭豆腐臭豆腐臭臭臭。”

多年后，双麻花小妹妹长成了披头散发的老姐姐。

在加班写稿的深夜里，小摊上油锅的滋啦声怎么那么好听呢？臭豆腐升腾起来的热气里，怎么臭里带着温柔呢？

她塞了满嘴臭豆腐，落下两行热泪：

“真香。”

-

文：姜不停

文章源自微信公众号：电影解毒

首发于公众号“影探”

ID：ttyingtan

作者：大表姐

转载请注明出处

从第一季开始，马男系列的评分就没掉下来9分过。

第五季更是以9.3分强势回归。

有人或许奇怪了。

就这么一匹马，丑啦吧唧，低眉搭眼的，凭什么这么招人喜欢？

别人我不知道，反正对表姐来说，马男就像一剂精神鸦片。

贼！上！瘾！

你看看它的基调。播到第五季了还是那一个字：

丧

作为一个中年过气明星，马男对抗焦虑的方式竟然是——

逃避。

找工作？why? 是酒不好喝，还是烟不好抽？

还是勾搭来的妹子不够靓呢？

40来岁，依然没有相爱的人。

So? 随便跟谁约一炮就好了。

哦，这个“随便”，是真的很随便。

前女友兼经纪人？可以。

片场合作的女主角？可以。

甚至当年电视剧里扮演自己女儿的童星？可以啊没问题。

交心的朋友？

在他家沙发上赖了6年的Todd算一个。

可马男那个态度...日常不耐烦，经常性打击，永远毒舌。

最后天使如Todd，也因为伤害彻底离开。

还有永远给他擦屁股，偶尔也上床的前女友兼经纪人Princess Caroline.

根本不爱他。

在一起，也只是因为惧怕孤独，互相取暖。

就连唯一懂他的女人Diane，

也选择嫁给了更阳光的Mr. PeanutButter。

说实话，每次表姐看着马男的生活，就像看着一个巨大的黑洞。

他唯一擅长的事，就是伤害对他好的人，就是把一切都搞砸。

这样的人，不是人渣又是什么？

可我们偏偏又那么爱这个贱人。

甚至有点...心疼他。

因为丧，并不是他的锅。

作为一次意外怀孕的结果，身为中产阶级的妈妈，不得不因为他，下嫁给了穷困的老爸。

从小，他就被当成是个累赘。

听到最多的话，不是“我爱你”，而是“都是你，毁了我的生活。”

每天看着爸妈争吵，互相指责，没有人在意他的感受。

老妈更是坦言，“你不会幸福的”。

因为你天生破碎。

试问这样一个从未被爱过的人，又该如何去爱别人？

所以除了丧，他还“毒”。

“毒”，是因为被伤到之后，就能一眼看清，哪些是真相，哪些才是谎言。

他换无数女友，孑然一人，不过是看透了恋爱的本质，无非是互相伤害。

也知道人间不值得，假装开心，自欺欺人。

虽然嘴巴一直在得罪人，但心里其实知道大家最想听的是什么。

也早就比其他人参破了人生的意义。

其实从头到尾，马男都是个底色悲凉的、孤独的清醒者。

就像《闻香识女人》中，阿尔帕西诺那番话：

I always knew what the right path was.

Without exception, I know, but I never took it, you know why?

It was too damn hard.

一直以来，马男都知道哪条是对的路。

可他也从来不走，因为太他妈的难了。

所以他一边胡作，一边愧疚，直到第三季结束，

所有人都离开了他。大厦崩塌。

第四季的开头，马男消失了一年。

他远离LA，来到母亲小时候的家里。

在那里，他了解到，原来妈妈也有一个不幸的童年——

当年她的哥哥战死，母亲患了抑郁症，父亲态度冷淡...

她也没有学会怎么去爱人。

之后回到LA的家里，有一个姑娘来找他认亲。

DNA测试后，发现是自己的“女儿”。

“女儿”要马男一起，帮她寻找生母。

就在这个过程中，他无意间发现这是一个大乌龙：

自己其实是姑娘的哥哥。

而当年，正是自己的母亲，帮着姑娘的母亲，也就是插足者，生下了孩子。

“她或许，也没有自己认为的那么刻薄吧...”

故事进行到这里，所有人都以为马男会有一个happy ending。

跟母亲和解，做个有爱的哥哥，和家人团聚。

然而第五季一开头，马男的母亲就去世了。

葬礼上，马男一如既往地开着那些刻薄的玩笑。

可这一幕，却让表姐真实地掉泪了。

致辞时，他提到母亲弥留之际，曾经对他说过最后一句话：

I SEE YOU

我看见你了

尽管装出满不在乎的样子，马男还是忍不住猜测这背后的意味：

她的意思是终于看到我了吗？

54年，妈妈我终于被你看到了。

原来你知道我要什么？我要的就是你的关注啊。

可你却在最后一刻才满足我吗？

那一刻，这个浪荡丧气的中年大叔，委屈地像个孩子。

爱就算迟到，可终究也是爱啊。

所以，马男终于被治愈了？

没有，这部剧没这么善良。

下一秒，马男说到母亲住在ICU病房时，才突然醒悟：

什么I SEE YOU，母亲只是读出了病房牌子上的ICU（同音）。

一切，都只是他的自作多情。

原来母亲直到最后一刻，都没有看过他一眼。

这才是人生啊。人生没这么善良。

只是这一刻，马男脸上的苦涩，让人不忍心再看一眼。

那是他唯一一次在人前表达在乎，那是他唯一一次流露出脆弱。

我们总是期待着有大团圆。

可生活从来不是电视剧，不会在某个幸福的高潮点戛然而止。

我们能做的，或许就像马男一样，假装微笑并信以为真，放浪形骸来掩饰孤独。

并且死不承认脆弱。

有何胜利可言？

挺住意味着一切。

更多精彩内容请关注“影探”

扫描下方二维码，关注影探（ID ：ttyingtan） ，后台回复 马男，获取资源！

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给凯瑟琳公主一个温暖的约会对象

我个人的马男第五季。为什么要一直约会食草动物，吃肉多香！

第六季回来补充：

所有的事最后都会好的，如果没有变好，那么还没到最后。

因为这是你心之所往，只要有方向，就能无往不至。

老虎有老虎的好，老虎是你想成为的楷模，人生中少不了楷模的激励。但最后你并不是为了成为老虎，你也无法成为老虎，你只能成为你自己，并感谢老虎曾经教会了你一点儿什么，这才有了今天的你。

现在看来这个小画儿对我的个人生活也寓意极深。我也没有约会猫科动物，而是嫁给了小白兔。

以下剧情概述系一路剧透到底，阅览请慎重。看完全剧又做完概述，才发现本剧主创在故事中安排的合理因素和草蛇灰线是多么的惊人，这也恰恰是国产剧最不足的地方

个人心目中最精彩的几集标题已加粗

S05E01 The light Bulb Scene

波杰克的新连续剧“Philbert”开拍了，但是他总是对于剧情本身的走向有很多疑问，现场的设计也跟他家很像，所以一直骚扰导演Flip。作为一贯的BoJack，他在片场跟他对戏的女主角Gina搞在了一处，与此同时他对于本剧物化女性的投诉让导演头疼万分，导演决定与其让他拍摄去Club给脱衣女郎画素描，不如像泰坦尼克号里一样让他给女主角画素描，而这一点也让女主角非常不爽。于是BoJack继续与导演抗争，导演恼羞成怒，做了一段一段‘你只是在寻求别人对你的关注’的评述后，决定让BoJack拍一段360度裸体拧灯泡，这样就不是物化女性而是物化男性了

卡洛琳公主终于下定决心准备领养，她去领养经理人处登记了自己的信息

陶德跟无性恋现女友尤兰达、前女友以及前女友的现男友消防员一起double date。陶德发现自己与现女友除了性特征一样以外都不一样，现女友嫌他没工作没面子，于是陶德出门找工作应聘清洁工，顺利成为该公司广告业务总监（可以这很陶德）

S05E02 The Dog Day are Over

戴安在离婚后跟花生酱先生一起去餐厅吃饭，花生酱在餐厅搭讪了新女友酸黄瓜。戴安去BoJack家聊天却无法解除自己的难过（在这个过程中她听到BoJack讲到了关于新墨西哥的故事，但只是开了个头）于是去换了发型衣着。当戴安去参加花生酱先生的派对，看到他亲别的女人于是情感崩溃，逃到了越南，并写了一篇‘10个去越南理由----最拽女生游记’的文章。在越南她遇见了一个美国小鹰（伙），假装语言不通两人发展出一段如同‘西贡小姐’的爱情故事，却在对方识破她会说英语后破裂。她最终还是回到了美国，和花生酱先生走完了协议离婚的签字流程

S05E03 Planned Obsolescence

陶德跟无性恋女友尤兰达去见父母，却要一起伪装成有性恋，因为尤兰达一家都非常的性活跃。两人花了不少力气伪装，最后尤兰达终于在情势之下在家人面前坦诚自己是无性恋，家人接受了但陶德却提出了分手

花生酱先生的新女友酸黄瓜接到建议，决定和花生酱先生take it slow慢慢来，却在去野外观测空间站销毁的路上彼此逐渐打开心扉

吉娜和BoJack搬到了一起，却不保持情感关系。她从小想要演唱音乐剧的理想被BoJack发现，BoJack为她安排了面试但结果不好，吉娜最终放弃了自己的这个理想。

S05E04 BoJack the Feminist

卡洛琳公主要问BoJack的新剧找一个男配角，找来了充满暴力史和道歉史的Vice。媒体却无风起浪，传播BoJack和新来的Vice不合，为了澄清，BoJack上了早餐秀，但是他的发言却被进一步曲解成女权主义和对Vice的抨击，这一点也让Vice和剧组彻底决裂，Vice同时宣传连续剧的剧情充满了物化女性。为解决这个问题，卡洛琳公主邀请了戴安来包装BoJack并加入剧组成为编剧，又邀请花生酱先生出演本剧的男配角

花生酱先生想打造更加强硬的个人性格特征，每一次的强硬却被当成是善良而非强硬的举动，这让他和来帮忙的陶德苦恼万分

S05E05 The Amelia Earhart Story

卡洛琳公主从小崇拜Amelia Earhart，第一个女性飞行员（她在之后每年的万圣节派对上都装扮成Amelia Earhart，真是骨灰粉）。她回到北卡老家去见自己准备领养的孩子的母亲，这个过程中她不断想起自己小时候的故事。她和这个年轻单身母亲一样，不慎怀孕。不同的是对方的家庭准备接受她和孩子（如果大家还记得的话，一如BoJack的父母的故事，只是男女角色互换），但是突如其来的流产让她刚刚说服自己接受的计划也无法继续，最终她决定追求自己的梦想去了UCLA，但是离开母亲是她心中永远的伤痛

波杰克拍特技不慎从房顶跌落摔伤了背，医生给他开了很多止疼片

S05E06 Free Churro

波杰克在自己母亲的葬礼上致辞

（这一集太过神，轻易的解构是对本季最大的不敬，大家还是自己看吧。片头到片尾就是波杰克的独白，至于为什么叫这个题目，致辞里有）

S05E07 INT.SUB

本集的故事讲述方式很有趣，是戴安的心理医生和陶德公司的调解专员约会，两个人互相讲述自己工作中遇到的故事。两条线互相穿插还有交集

BoJack母亲去世，却不断封闭自己，让戴安很苦恼，所以戴安在心理医生的建议下决定与BoJack保持距离。花生酱先生同样发现了自己父母去世却愿意打开自己与他人交流，对比之下让BoJack更加不爽。BoJack去找戴安的心理医生理论却建立了联系，戴安发现后告诉BoJack自己希望独占这个心理医生（以获得心理上的满足），BoJack却继续私下见心理医生并把医生当成朋友。但戴安生气的决定不再见这个医生后，BoJack却也逃离了这个医生，他只是需要戴安的注意

卡洛琳公主和陶德对于谁吃了冰箱里最后一根奶酪条起了争执……

连续剧的导演Flip写作上遇到了困难，戴安挺身而出帮助他写了新的剧情发展，却将BoJack饰演的Philbert这个角色写的无比像BoJack本人（考虑到戴安是BoJack的自传撰稿人，这个说法真是无比的合理）

S05E08 Mr Peanutbutter`s Boos

本集一样很神，其精彩程度超出了我语言的描述能力。主要讲述了花生酱先生先后带三位前妻和一位现任女友去BoJack家开万圣节排队的故事。四条时间线用相同的进度推进，彰显了花生酱先生不断地犯着同一个错误，而戴安是那个清醒的把问题指出的人

故事同样讲述了陶德如何来到BoJack家开始沙发客的生活，直指S01E01。故事也蜻蜓点水的展示了卡洛琳公主和BoJack在好莱坞这25年的变化

S05E09 Ancient History

BoJack的妹妹Holly在大学假期决定来LA看BoJack，却陷入了对上一季BoJack母亲给她下药的环境恐惧中，销毁了BoJack所有治疗背痛的止痛药。于是BoJack带着妹妹在深夜的LA四处历险找地方买止痛药却没能买到。Holly质疑BoJack是真的需要药物还是对止痛药上瘾，BoJack为了继续获得止痛药主动创造了车祸

陶德的前女友回来向他诉苦，现男友跟她之间只有性关系没有情感交流。陶德为了赢回前女友，制造了一个性爱机器人，希望以此赢回前女友的心

卡洛琳公主找前男友拉尔夫谈生意，紧急接到领养中心的电话去医院见一个孕妇，拉尔夫提出两人复合却惨遭拒绝。最后领养没能成功，卡洛琳公主一个人孤独的回家

S05E10 Head in the Clouds

众人的新剧philbert获得巨大成功，将要举行首映礼。首映礼上酸黄瓜并不喜欢本剧，先行离开。BoJack在首映礼后与戴安陷入争吵，认为自己才是自己所有行为的最终受害人，戴安愤怒的提出死去的萨拉琳，BoJack恼羞成怒，表示自己这样丧下去挺好，戴安却说自己对他仍抱有希望。BoJack最后解释了新墨西哥事件，戴安却对BoJack身上的黑暗异常失望，选择离开。花生酱先生送戴安回家并留宿

陶德带着性爱机器人去上班，机器人却意外成为了他们公司的CEO

S05E11The Showstopper

Philbert大获成功后众人连忙开始拍摄第二季，BoJack却由于角色与自己过于相像，加上自己身上的烂摊子过大和持续增长的对止痛药的上瘾，开始无法分清剧情和现实，压力之下不断的失眠并加大了药物摄入的剂量。随着拍摄中Philbert的破案，他也认为现实生活中所有人都要对他不利，要把连续剧中的角色和他混为一谈并将他毁掉，而他唯一应该做的就是保护Gina（唉，这是BoJack第一次这样为他人着想，虽然后来……）Gina在同居生活中发现了BoJack药物成瘾，想要扔掉药物却遭到BoJack的暴力对待。随着Philbert的故事揭晓，杀人犯正是Philbert自己，出演Philbert的BoJack沉浸于角色中，在拍摄时险些掐死Gina

S05E12 The Stopped Show

花生酱先生和戴安坦白自己还喜欢她，并决定跟酸黄瓜分手。在分手现场却无法承受传递坏消息的压力，最终向酸黄瓜求婚

陶德的性爱机器人CEO被下属举报性骚扰，公司受创被迫大举裁员，性爱机器人和陶德也都被开除，陶德最终毁掉了机器人并脱下西装回到了自己

由于BoJack险些掐死Gina，现场被工作人员拍成视频传到网上，剧组被迫公关。BoJack药物服用过度，已经不记得自己做了什么，看完视频后悔万分，希望找Gina原谅却遭拒绝。两人顺利完成的公关采访解除了剧组的危机，却彼此劳燕分飞。BoJack希望忏悔，找到戴安希望曝光自己，戴安告知如果他希望改变，最好的办法就是去戒毒中心待上6周。两人在戒毒中心门口挥手道别

以上剧情简述均系我自行概括，如有遗漏敬请谅解，转载请获得授权

焦虑的斑马波波是第七集戴安的心理医生英迪拉为了和她老婆讨论患者八卦时波杰克的化名。

马男波杰克——如果你已经看完了整部剧集——在这一部剧中不再像以前那么浑浑噩噩了，但在结局依然搞砸了一切。简单地总结起来就是：波杰克以主角出演了一部后来大热的侦探剧，这部剧的剧情就如马男前几季的剧情，吉娜（戴安）试图接近警探菲尔伯特（波杰克）并找出有关他老婆死因的真相（波杰克生活的真相）接着到了第二季，吉娜发现菲尔伯特原来是人格分裂症患者，他才是杀死他妻子以及许多朋友的凶手（戴安包括剧里的其他角色知道了马男所做的所有坏事）。而这一剧情反转对于菲尔伯特的效果就像陶德在第三季第十集结尾对马男说出的那一段爆炸性台词：

没错，在第五季重新做人的马男，又开始被他以前做的那些shitty things困扰了。本季第六集母亲的葬礼stand-up comedy和第十集戴安和马男的争吵甚至在剧本里给马男下套这些剧情加剧了马男的自责，再加上马男天生不善于把自己的痛苦展露给别人，不愿意和朋友谈论这些事情，于是他又开始投向毒品的怀抱。

就像在酒桌上喝酒如饮水吨吨吨的中年男人一样，马男寄希望于毒品和酒精之类的快感以冲淡中年危机带给他源源不断的痛苦。美国的一部纪录片《面具之下》提出由于典型的masculine概念深入人心，很多男性没有方法去表达自己内心的苦闷，于是他们偏执地独自忍耐下去，就如波杰克的父亲在第6集开头告诉他的道理：“你不能依赖任何人”，很多男性观众会觉得这种说法无比熟悉吧，就像小时候我们会被教导的：“像个男人”、“不要像女孩一样哭鼻子”，在这样教导下成长的男性，如果生活遇到了困难，他们通常拥有两种选择：

1. 对身边人发泄（通常是自己的妻子和孩子）

2. 对自己发泄（导致严重的心理问题）

因为在男性的世界里是很少有像“去找心理咨询师治疗”、“和朋友倾诉自己生活中的伤痛”这样一般女性会选择的选项。“男人”一开始就是“顶天立地”的形象，不论流多少血都能和生活逆境战斗到最后一刻的生物。在父权社会里，他们是把整个社会撑起来的人，也同时是家庭的顶梁柱。但是这样的“男权”给男性带来的真的是好处吗？

那些在酒场豪饮的中年男人、那些在商业会所陪客户唱着卡拉OK的中年男人、那些在厕所里呕吐甚至是在医院里住院的中年男人又是多少人的父亲呢？他们经常出门躲避的是什么？是你。或者可以说，他躲的是一段健康的、正常沟通的情感。因为这不符合社会给他们定下的形象，他们从没被教导过如何成为一个能够正常表达负面情绪的人类。

回到bojack，他在第五季从来没有和吉娜谈过任何心里的不安，而PC由于领养孩子太忙了所以无暇照顾马男，那么bojack这个巨婴就留给了戴安（同时也是戴安得知马男在新墨西哥和17岁少女可能有染的时候）但由于戴安不愿意照顾他，甚至在剧本里混入了马男曾经真实说过的台词，使他再次被懊恼和痛苦包围。如此一来，第五季的最后，波杰克首先选择了第一个选项：把自己内心的痛苦推向其他人，觉得是有人要破坏“吉娜的幸福”（其实就是他当时得到的简单又复杂的幸福）最终在演戏的时候差点掐死吉娜。第二季被砍之后又转身向戴安要求执行第二个选项：让戴安写文章披露自己，也就是伤害他自己。

于是在本剧的最后一小段，戴安（出于愧疚？）试图帮助波杰克走出这种“定式思维”并给出了一个新的选项：“戒毒所”，有点像是心理咨询的存在。

马男又质疑：“如果我戒毒之后，我还是像以前一样那么糟糕怎么办？那我还不如回家”

戴安说：“听着，你有两个选项，你可以回家，试图以你的方式去做你一生以来一直在做的那些事情，或者你可以看看这些人能做什么。”

这也给男性观众提供了一条新的思路：为何要执着于封闭自己，把所有的伤痛都用酒精或者毒品掩盖？你本可以试试看其他人能为你做什么。而不是成为父权社会的一个消耗品，一个抑郁的电池。这也是全剧最女权的一部分了。